TwitLonger Post # 1

I'm sorry. But I guess, I don't really get to remember I've a  proper blog to put this kinds of stuff. NYAHAHA! At any rate, here it is:

Earlier at around 12 mn my phone flashed the reminder it was @angelsandkisses's B-Day. I soo wanted to tweet her a happy B-Day like the way she flooded me with mentions on my B-Day last summer. But apparently that I cannot do for me was in hospital in Cavite with my whole family and my other aunts. It was sorta like an impromptu decision our family had to make (to go to Cavite, that is. We set out on the road at around 10:30 pm and arrived in Dasma at around 12 mn. Of course, we passed Imus which reminded me about @guinella =))who happens to be a friend of @HellaCinderella too. Anyway, that was nothing.Just sayin'. NYAHAHAHA!
When we got to the hospital I saw all my other aunts but I didn't get to see how my granny was doing. KINDA was afraid. So after a few more minutes, my dad & I left@littleartist04 and my mom there. They'd be in Cavite 'til Friday. And my sis just wants to say to her followers: "Keep Calm and HAPPY NEW YEAR!" She strictly instructed me to tell that to y'all. we're just hoping that my granny makes it. I, honestly, just pray that she makes it 'til New Year & she gets to be conscious & at least tell my mom to just CALM DOWN! Me mommy's absolutely freakin' out. She's crying like I've never seen before. GOSH!
Gonna be attending the burial of our helper's brother later at around 3 pm. Why are there so many deaths and accidents during the Holidays? it's such a merry season to think of death the likes. *shakes head*
Nevertheless, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO Y'ALL!

TUMBLR POSTS # 3

I'm just really sorry if my posts are all from Tumblr. I know I'm all pissing you right now ...or maybe not. Since, no one's really reading this. GOD! This is sorta like talking to myself then. Anyway, I would post the Tumblr Post so all this'd be over.

10 New Follower Requests?!

My Holidays were well spent, don’t worry about it. Waiting fro 12 midnight nowadays isn’t much of a challenge compared to before when I was about 9 or so. But what’s important was I had a BRILLIANT or rather EXCELLENT noche buena with the family. It was quite unexpected ‘cause most of the time noche buena’s consist of ham which my whole family is not really that close to. And it also consist of other stuff that the Martian is not really happy about. BUT thank the heavens that my mom bought some vegetables and vinaigrette and some tacos too ( I just need to take off the beef from it). All in all, it was SPLENDID!

I also got a white envelope from  one of my aunts…..

Was so ecstatic. We also bought some VCDS that were on sale. Finally found,Perfume: The Story of a Murderer. We already watched all four of ‘em but right this moment I’m actually watching Sweeney Todd  again. =)) Hope you enjoyed your holidays as much as I did. 

And so that's it. My TUMBLR POST # 3. 

TUMBLR POSTS # 2

Here's another one I just posted today:

RANTS

I know I’d never gain a “group” and never be part of any real one in High School. I guess, I’m that much of a loner. At least, I don’t get to worry about problems involving “groups”. I was always sorta left out and left out is what I will be. Saw a post here once. It said:

“JUNE =FINEASS 

Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boys/girls LOVE you. You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes rep pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 day”

I don’t usually believe in this stuff. But most of ‘em, what’s written here, is true and correct. =) Though I don’t get the easily hurt thing.

Anyways, I just wanted to post this. I just do, OK? I guess, Imma post this in my lousy blogspot too. I never get to update it that much. I’m such a loser. :)

TUMBLR POSTS # 1

I don't really use my Blogspot as often as my Twitter and Tumblr. So, most of the time I get to "blog" in Tumblr more. And so far, I've posted 2 entries there that I might wanna put here. This will be the first one and it's about my friend Johann which I believe deserves another separate post. But I'm too tired to make one now. So here's my Johann Post:

UGH, JOHANN! NOT FUNNY!

FINE! I always knew Johann was the type who could get real emotional. He was my seatmate for 3 quarters in our freshman year I ought to know that. But GAHD! Earlier was just worth cursing about. Well, I already had a bad feeling that the whole teasing thing with Maia was up to no good.

How did I know?

It was when they were actually teasing each other way back during the science fair. Johann changed a lot this year. And I hate to say it but most of ‘em were not for the good. Do you know how damn frustrating to see something like that happen to your friend? SHIZZZ!! But moving on, as they were teasing I kinda gave him a frown for definitely doing a great job at lowering the self-esteem of others but what he told me is something that kinda got stuck in my head and is actually being replayed again and again now.

“Sige na Aya. Oo na. Ako na yung masama…..”

And he said something like he didn’t care if what he was doing was wrong ‘cause Maia was just teasing him to the bones. And not to make it seem that it was Maia’s fault why he reacted that way, I guess he just lost it all after reading her post about the relationship thing. I think he just doesn’t like things about that stuff. Well, whatever.

Regardless of the reason as to why he blew up just like that, he was actually able to piss me like hell with all his “the-world-would-be-a-better-place-if-I-were-gone” statements. SRSLY, Johann. Everybody can have a DAMN FUCKIN’ Bad Day. And everybody’s entitled to say so. It’s just that …. I dunno. I guess, I just didn’t like the way you expressed your whole feeling.

But as much as I want to be mad at him, I can’t. I think I know why. But I won’t tell. If he’s fine tomorrow, I might have to approach. :|

TENSION…..UGH!

Zach and Marcelo

I often go to Omegle to find some random people to chat with. And most of the time I just find (sorry for the term) JERKS. And it's really really rare to actually find someone interesting and someone who actually understand you. So lemme talk about the two people in the title of this post.

First, we meet Zach. The most prominent thing I remember about Zach is his "!" Personality. he was full of energy and was just exploding with it. He said it was the awfully huge amount of "Mountain Dew" he consumed. Fair enough, I was trying my best to cope with his energy. He was always with an exclamation point at the end of his sentences. But it wasn't as if I imagine he was shouting. It was in general a great chat. I was awfully engrossed by the fact that he was actually named Zachary. That was the main thing I was so skeptic about. But all of a sudden, the electricity just went down and I got disconnected. It was an unfathomable pissin' moment. I was just in rage. Well, so long for the first ever REAL Zach I met.

Then, when the power's up again, I desperately tried to get back on the conversation but it just can not be. I've disconnected with no intent to do so. So I looked for another person to talk to. I believe it wasn't long 'til Marcelo came in. I dunno how we really started but the main thing we first talked about was my humongous frustration over Zach. Ok, I didn't mention I was talking to a guy named Zach but just that I was talking with someone and my laptop just shut down. What got me most was his response: "shit......." and for that I know it was gonna be great. So for the first few line we exchanged it was all about that. Until we got to the sarcasm part. He said he loved sarcasm and I said it was my area of expertise which he said was the same case for him. Then, I asked what his interests are. He said mostly things about spots. Rugby, motocross (or something like that) and good music. I said I adored writing and people usually don't get that. But he said it was cool.  Then, I'm not really sure, but he told me something about him being new to Omegle. And all the people seeming horny or sorta like it.  And I said "IKR!" and he was like what is that? And I was actually superbly feeling divine as if, I'm not that left out after all. It was a great feeling. Then I told him what it was. Then, ou of the blue he said if have a "bf" which I answered oh so truthfully with a "........no......" and asked "you?"
he said "not anymore" then, "she dumped me ..." and I was like: "That's bad". And as I was about to put "I'm really sorry Marcelo"  (yeah he told me his name and location. He's 19 btw) the effin' stuff from Yahoo! with the unreadable stuff with the link appeared and as I was writing it sorta pasted itself in the text box and sent two of them to Marcelo. I was mortified and I panicked i wished to say sorry for that but as I was trying to , I accidentally clicked the close button. And my few moments with Marcelo were forever erased.

Now, I'm trying to get over this but it's so damn frustrating for me. Srsly, if you've been to Omegle, I'm pretty much sure you know how hard it is to find a nice and sensible chat partner. :(
Hoping I get to meet them again someday....though it seems IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm No Writer

Never was. Never will. All those years pursuing a false dream.
I get it now. It hurts but I'll get over it.
I've nothing. Just your regular teen. Nothing. Empty. SHALLOW! Worthless.
Where was my English? Taken without consent!
Now, where is my writing? It's all gone. Once again taken by this damn crappy school. I would never want to remember I was there. It would be the darkest years I've ever had. The prison that nearly killed me. The prison that ruined everything. And I let it do so. I let it destroy me. Why? 'Cause I can't leave it. I CAN'T! Trust me, if I could, I would and I'd do it QUICKLY.  But I can't. I know I have to endure this. I know I've no other choice.

Cruel school of Crap
Here's to You, Your Treachery
Damn you all,curse you

There you have it. Your 5-7-5 Effin' Haiku. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I will never forget this hell of a school.

Pen-less Writer

I changed my twitter username. The reason? Quite simple. I lost my Art the only thing I kept for myself. I should mourn. But I can't seem too. I know there is too much of everything that I have to do. Again, I wish I was somewhere else. To the biggest "what-if" of my life. Before, my art was my art. I thought I was good at it. I thought it loved me the way I did it. But it didn't. And I wasn't.
What hurt could compare by being fooled to believe that you belonged somewhere when you don't? That's what I felt. I felt I belonged to writing and it belonged to me. But to certain circumstances, it drifted away and away. My bubble, the bubble binding me to my art burst as I feared. I was exactly the person I detested way back. Shallow. With no means of expression. It was hard to see how people seem to be way better than you in your area, your zone, your territory when they don't seem the type who belong there. You want to keep them out and be selfish. Keep your piece of the world all to yourself but you could never.I read their works far better than mine.Who was I then to claim that I was a writer when my works couldn't be compared to theirs? Some call this insecurity, but why should I not be threatened? We're all animals. Competition is a part of our lives. But I never expected it to affect me as much as it is affecting me now. I felt my self-confidence drop to zero. Now that my art, my asset, my love was gone .... What am I to the World? Where's my place in it? And:

If I would ever write again,
I would write through blood and tears
that cause me pain
urging me to surrender once again.

Backing Out

I do this a lot. I do this when I get scared, feel threatened or even just an excuse to do nothing. I feel no need to leave a mark anywhere. I am a WALLFLOWER. I hate it when I do this. I hate it and who doesn't? When you're surrounded by people who do their best, it's all the more frustrating. I can't do it. I can't seem to find the courage of dedicating myself to something and just giving it my all.
Thus, I envy people. The "Green-Eyed Monster" is almost my constant company. How could they do it? There is a high risk? Why don't they fear this risk? Is  it really worth it? I'm dying to find out what I'm truly passionate about and for some years I thought I have.
Writing. Those moments, the moments I've enjoyed thinking this is the one thing I would do for the rest of my life, those were the best. And when I was able to stand up to it, when i was finally accepted in an Arts School for an orientation, I held back. They were talented, and I hoped that so was I. I wanted to believe it but slowly I was shrinking. I was lost in a sea of people pursuing their dreams, doing their all. I was holding back, while they do their very best. And I know I won't make it.
Come judgement day, I wasn't picked. We had a well-to-do family income. I wasn't in desperate need of some scholarship and I already passed a science high school. Why go to some remote boarding school literally in the mountains  to study about arts, who may or may not secure you a bright future?
That was the biggest risk I ever took for me and for my dream. And at the same time, as of now, it is still the biggest what-if in my life. What if I was in some Arts School right now? Would the Maths be any different? Would they not torture me as hard as the Maths in my current Science School? I would never hear the end of this.

About Me Section

This the part of any account-making process I am to undergo that I consider as one of the hardest things to do. I have only been existing for 14 years. And as far as I can see, there is nothing completely interesting about me. I'm not that good looking nor do I have an extensive knowledge about a particular matter that can be worth sharing and reading. But I can never say I'm your average type of teen for I barely blend in and I'm almost always left out. The things they do and talk about are not ones that pass my mind. it's kinda hard especially that I came from a small school and now find myself trying my best to cope with all the other students in this BIGGER school I am in.
I'm sorry for the lack of pictures for I don't have that much. And I don't really have a camera of my own. I mean, we do have a camera but it's not something I fully own and can use whenever I want to. But for the most part I will try my best to give you all everything I could, through words that is.